Tag Archives: stuck in a rut

And ‘BOOM’ goes life as you know it!

Has your world ever gone ‘BOOM’?boom

I’m talking about a personal big bang and then suddenly everything in your life is thrown up in the air? A major personal big bang for me happened in December 2009/January 2010.

Like so many other women in their late teens/early 20s- I did what I thought I should be doing and what everyone else was doing. After spending five years in college, I was working as a HR & Employment Law consultant with one of Ireland’s top consultancy firms. I worked with companies all around Ireland, advising boards of Directors, CEO’s and business owners. I got to travel. I had an expense account. I had a boyfriend I had been with for six years and whom my family adored. I had the picture perfect life for a young twenty-something. I was on my way apparently!

But something wasn’t right and I couldn’t put my finger on it. I had a horrible anxious feeling that plagued me and just wouldn’t go away, it was like a black hole or an emptiness feeling in my chest. I had panic attacks, I was anxious all the time; I was overweight (I had put on 2 stone without even realising it) and just plain miserable. Everyone else seemed happy and I really thought there was something wrong with me. I was confused, unsure and totally lost. I had reached the place that I had been striving towards for years and now I was asking myself, ‘Is this it?’

I was miserable in my work and it was completely unexpected. A redundancy situation arose in my firm and as I was last in, I was first to go. I was devastated but being made redundant was the best thing that ever happened to me. It forced me to step back and take a long hard look at myself, my life and my career. The job had been a really bad fit and by then I could see that the boyfriend was too. He must have sensed this because, after six years, I got dumped- BY TEXT. At the time it was extremely painful and sad, but it was necessary for both of us.

So when I was freed up from two bad fits in my life, was I any happier? Absolutely not! In fact, I was worse. I had defined myself by my career and by my relationship, and while I knew that they just didn’t fit me, now it was just me and without them- I felt lost and I just didn’t know who I was anymore. I was in the middle of an identity crisis!

There I was, feeling lost. No Job. No relationship and nowhere to turn. You see, I was the one who all my friends turned to when their lives hit a bump. For years I had been the ‘go to girl’ for guidance in a crisis. For years, my friends, and their friends had been coming to me in times of trouble. Now, I was the one whose life was in crisis, but there was no one amongst my peers who I could turn to.

I knew I needed to get to know myself, understand myself, so I set out to discover who Paula really was and what she really wanted. I had always kept diaries and at the age of 14 I had written in a diary, ‘I want to be a life coach’. I had completely dismissed the idea because I believed I had to be in my forties or fifties and have grey hair to be a coach! But when I read that statement – something clicked.

It took a while for the coin to drop and for me to see that I needed to be my own first real client in a new career as a life coach. I could now see a trend in everything I enjoyed- the films I watched, the books I read, the conversations and the people I adored- my passion was coaching and it had been for almost 15 years. I had been unconsciously preparing myself- I had even attended two training courses in coaching, ‘Just as a hobby!’

I enrolled in a diploma in Life Coaching in 2010 and loved every second of it, graduating in 2011 with Distinction. When I started working with clients on a pro-bono basis (just for fun!), I found that I was mostly attracting women in their 20s and 30s because they could relate to my life experience, career mishaps and my age!

I’ve been quite fortunate since my big bang to have spent the past 5-6 years exploring my passion and living my purpose and during that time, I have had the privilege of meeting and working with so many of my ‘tribe’- these are other women who like you, yearn for something more, something deeper and something meaningful.

I’ve been able to create a profile of how they describe their career experience and I’m guessing that you’ll recognise yourself here too!

Do you know this person?

  1. You’re so uninspired and bored that you want to chew your foot off!

You took the job because you thought it was the right decision. Maybe the pay was good, or you felt you were doing the “right thing” taking a job that you knew in your heart of hearts wasn’t really what you wanted to be doing. And you were right. Every day you simply feel deflated, bored, and uninspired. There’s nothing about the work that feels engaging or remotely interesting. So if this is you, my question to you is ‘Do you really want to spend 8-10 hours a day doing something you hate for years and years?’ I didn’t think so! It’s time to move on.

 2. You feel restricted, confined and suffocated.

The job may be great. The pay is really good. And the people are pleasant enough. But the fit just isn’t right. Maybe you’re a free-spirited artist working in a tight collared office or a numbers cruncher working with free-spirited artists! The culture of the office just isn’t you, and you feel restricted, confined and suffocated. You can’t change who you are, and you’ll always feel misplaced if you don’t find the best fit for you.

 3. You don’t believe in what you do.

You may have a great job, but if you don’t believe in the product or service your company is promoting, then you can’t be truly successful on the job. How can you support something that goes against your values, your integrity, or your standards? Find a job where you feel proud and happy to support the business of the business.

 4. You’ve hit a dead end.

The job you have now is great. But will the same job be great in 5 or 10 years? If there’s no way to move forward, no room for promotion and growth, then you’ll be at a dead end with your career. Leave now before you feel resentment and frustration.

 5. You are feeling stress and anxiety.

You are regularly working long hours or even on the weekends. Your boss pressures you or the expectations for performance are higher than the reality of what’s possible. The office environment is intense and always fast-paced. If you are regularly feeling stressed, anxious, and depleted, your mental and physical health will suffer. Is this job really worth your health?

 6. You aren’t stretching yourself.

When you first began this job, it was fun and challenging. But now it’s so easy you can do it with one arm tied behind your back. Yes, it makes the work far less stressful and demanding, but are you growing as a professional? It’s time to take the next step toward your career passion.

 7. It isn’t your passion.

Your job is OK. You can live with it. It isn’t bad every day. But what if you could wake up excited about your job every day? What if it felt more like play than work? What if it was deeply fulfilling and interesting – perfectly matched with your interests, skills, and values? There’s no better time than right now to uncover your passion and find work that supports it. As you find your passion, you’ll discover your current job is no longer acceptable.

So, could you recognise yourself? It’s interesting isn’t it, how many different ways a job can make us feel lousy, low energy and uninspired. It doesn’t have to be this way and I’d like to invite you to embark on a personal mission to become your own career manager and discover your passion and purpose!

I’m running a 6 week programme ‘Conquer Your Career Crisis‘ starting on the 30th April 2015. This is the ONLY time in 2015 that I’ll be running this programme! It’s limited to a small group so everyone can get individual attention, all the resources will be available online so you can work around your own schedule, you’ll have a private facebook group, 3 live coaching calls and lifetime access! All for only €147 (payment plan available). Will you be joining us? Click here to register now!

Is now the right time for you to make some changes?

Most people don’t change until they have to: they might be forced to change by outside circumstances or the pain of staying put becomes unbearable. Either way, often it takes massive negative motivation to make massive change. Making changes as a result of negative motivation obviously isn’t our first choice but it sure does work!

Often, we put up with a serious amount of crap in order to keep things the way that we’re familiar with. We might even say, “I will never put up with my boss demanding X, Y or Z,” but then of course, he demands X, Y or Z and then we move the line in the sand. We give in ‘this one time’. We’ll stand our ground next time, we’ll state our boundaries next time, we’ll say no but we just don’t do it.

Slowly slowly, our self esteem and our confidence is chipped away. Not just in relation to the work we do, but also how we express ourselves, how we feel about ourselves and what we expect for ourselves in the future. We feel really lousy for a long time – but not quite lousy enough to do anything about it except complain and grumble. Until one day everything explodes. It’s normally something really small that ends up throwing us off the handle! Finally, we’ve had enough, we’ve reached boiling point and we can no longer accept that the life we are currently living is all that there is to offer and experience.

This is what happened with me 5 years ago; I was in a job I couldn’t stand, in a relationship that wasn’t working and it was building and building until it all exploded! BOOM! It wasn’t pretty or comfortable and my life was unrecognisable within the space of a few weeks. Now, this was change that was forced upon me- I was dumped and a few weeks later, made redundant. In the end I was incredibly grateful that it had been forced upon me because to be honest, at that time, I think I was too chicken shit to proactively do anything about it myself.

 If you tolerate the intolerable, accept the unacceptable, and live outside of your integrity and authenticity long enough, you will either explode or implode.

 You explode by creating or attracting a dramatic, life-changing situation in your life as described above. You implode by directing your pain and frustration inward in a dramatic way that manifests itself as frustration, anxiety anger or absolute and complete boredom. I’d been imploding for a while before it exploded!

These big bang scenarios, the implosions or explosions, might happen a few times over the course of your lifetime! I’d be surprised if you’ve never ever experienced something like that before. But the thing is that once we heal from the pain, deal with what has happened, and re-create ourselves, we can look back and be grateful we’re on the other side of it, having become stronger as a result.

But what about the rest of the time? The time when we are living day to day, when we’re caught up in the flow, when we’re just getting by day to day with no major emotional dramas? What about that space in between ordinary and a full-blown explosion? Those times when there’s nothing really wrong but there’s nothing really bringing you any joy or happiness. If you’re still reading this, then that is the space that I believe most of you are in right now.

And that space is the best place for making positive change in your life and career, for discovering your purpose and passion and for taking the action necessary to create change. 1374265_535424596537050_1640816290_nCreate is the key word here. The best way forward for you right now is the scenario in which you are the creator rather than the reactor.

This picture is one in which you proactively decide exactly what you want for your life and then boldly and fearlessly go after it. You make change on your terms rather than waiting for a huge eruption to force change on you.

When you are proactive about change, you don’t have to deal with the pain, the fallout, the lost time and energy. Yes, there are some difficulties even with proactive change, but you can prepare for them. They aren’t thrust upon you, you are choosing it and you know why.

It can be really scary to be proactive. Often, we feel stuck and don’t know what to do first. We don’t know what to expect. We don’t have any certainty that what lies ahead is any better than what we have now. But I can promise you that doing nothing will eventually land you in chaos, burn out or melt-down- even if it’s after you retire, when you look back over the 70,000 hours that you spent working and ask yourself ‘Why? What was it all for?’

I don’t know about you but I certainly don’t want to have to wait until I’m retired in order to start living my life in a passionate and purposeful way. I don’t want to wait until I’m in my 60s to start making a positive difference to the world! I know that you don’t want to wait either and that’s why you’re still reading this! You want to figure out what you want to do with your life! Does that sound good? What are you waiting for? Click here if you want to Conquer Your Career Crisis!

 “If you do not change direction, you may end up where you are heading.” Lao Tzu

Stuck in a rut and can’t move forwards?

“The most important thing you can do to achieve your goals is to make sure that as soon as you set them, you immediately begin to create momentum.”  -Tony Robbins

Have you ever hesitated to take action and ended up stuck in a rut not knowing what to do? There are some common reasons why this happens.  Sometimes we are waiting for some kind of sign to indicate that it’s okay to move forward. We might be waiting until we feel more confident because we don’t really feel up to the challenge. Or, we could be thinking that if we just wait a bit longer than all the obstacles will disappear and our goals will be easier to achieve.

But how often do we use those reasons as excuses to avoid leaving our comfort zone? Let’s face it, if we are looking to justify procrastination there is no shortage of reasonable sounding excuses.

Procrastination is the equivalent of going nowhere!

The longer we wait to take action, the harder it is to get started. Circumstances will never be perfect and waiting until they are means that in the meantime, you’re going nowhere. The truth is, it will probably never get any easier to move forward and every moment that we hold back will just make things worse.

When we avoid taking action it’s often because we have created resistance in our own mind. We have convinced ourselves that what we want to do is exceedingly difficult. But is that really true or is it just an avoidance technique?

Create momentum, create confidence

Momentum is one of those rare, self-perpetuation phenomenon. That’s what makes it so powerful. The perfect example of momentum is a snowball rolling down a hill. What happens? It grows and picks up speed along the way, we all know this! But how can you use this power to achieve your goals and start living the life that you want to be living?

Instead of getting bogged down by excuses, we need to create some momentum as soon as possible. Trust me, this is not something that is hard to do! That huge, fast moving snowball started out small and slow. The reason it grew was because it kept moving. We don’t have to throw ourselves into action at warp speed, but we do need to start moving and to keep moving so we can build some momentum.

3 Ways to build momentum

Commit to taking the necessary action steps first. That’s what you really need to focus on. What do you need to do first? What’s the most important step at this point? It could even be finding out more information on what to do!

One of the main reasons why people don’t achieve the goals that they set for themselves is because they lack commitment. Commitment to following through on the actions that will bring us where we want to go. Why do we lack commitment? Because we don’t begin immediately! Early on, action needs to be our main concern. Obviously, we want to keep our goal in sight, but the majority of our attention should go toward taking consistent and purposeful action. That’s how we build start building momentum as well as commitment!

Break the process down into baby stepsTaking small, consistent steps toward a goal is generally much more effective than mammoth action every now and then! (Think about, if you’re goal is to become healthier then which is best; exercising a little every day and cutting down on sweets or a 7 day detox once a year?)

Also, it’s easier to get ourselves to act on smaller tasks. Even tiny actions will eventually begin to build momentum and produce results, as long as we are consistent.  Making it your mission to move forward consistently will make it much easier to overcome obstacles because with each step your confidence will grow.

Don’t give up too early!  So many goals have been abandoned because people do one thing, they wait to see what happens, and quit when they don’t see the results they wanted.  Sometimes we don’t even see the results for a long period of time but change is happening below the surface- we just can’t see it yet!

So focus on building momentum, focus on keeping the ball rolling, even if you’re not seeing the results you want just yet. If you get discouraged and quit, that’s it, game over and you lose.

Use momentum to overcome procrastination

Taking action leaves procrastination in the dust. If you do something every day that moves you toward your goals, you’ll be too busy to think about making excuses. Dale Carnegie made this point nicely when he said:

“Inaction breeds doubt and fear. Action breeds confidence and courage. If you want to conquer fear, do not sit home and think about it. Go out and get busy.”

So, what are you going to do today?

I hope you enjoyed this issue of Progress! If you have any strategies for keeping momentum or have any stories you’d like to share, just pop over to the facebook page and let us know!

Until Next Time,

Keep going!

P x