Tag Archives: happy in your twenties

Is it better to live disappointed than to feel disappointed?

I don’t know about you, but I held back in life so often! I second guessed myself, hesitated, over-thought every little thing and got myself into analysis paralysis. Most of the time I did this when an opportunity presented itself or when I wanted to do something really amazing and exciting, something that would make me happy!

Do you know why I did this- it’s because I didn’t want to get my hopes up.

I know I’m not alone in this- we’ve all done it and many of us are still doing it. We say things like ‘I don’t want to get my hopes up’ or ‘I’ll see what happens’ whenever the chance of a great opportunity is there regardless of whether it’s a promotion, new job, meeting someone great that you really click with- our almost default reaction is not to get our hopes up. It seems like the smart thing to do yeah?

WRONG!

What we’re doing is we’re trying to protect ourselves from being let down, feeling disappointed and vulnerable. One way that you protect yourself against vulnerability is you just kind of stay in a constant state of  disappointment.

It’s easier to live disappointed than to feel disappointment. A constant state of disappointment is easier than dipping in and out of it and this is what so many people do. The problem with this approach though is that without realising it, you’re building up barriers against the good stuff as well and isolating yourself.

When I made myself live in that constant low level of disappointment in order to protect myself from feeling disappointed or let down- guess what happened? I was always low. I didn’t get excited about things, I didn’t pursue anything with passion and I didn’t share my hopes and dreams with people I cared about, I kept putting off the excitement and happy feelings and then all of a sudden, the moment would have passed and it was over. It was incredibly lonely.

There is an author/researcher in the States called Brene Brown and I adore her work- she has a book called The Gifts Of Imperfection and in it, she explains that if you refuse to get your hopes up, it doesn’t lessen the disappointment if your dream doesn’t happen, but it absolutely lessens the joy and happiness you experience.

So, say there is the amazing opportunity in work. A job that you have been working towards for years, great salary, a bit of travel and some work from home- you know you want it so bad BUT you start protecting yourself from disappointment and start to tell yourself and other people ‘Oh, it’s not that big a deal! I might not get it because if this and that, this person is much more qualified, blah blah, blah’.

Say you don’t get it- do you feel disappointed? Of course you do, you feel crushed! And not only that, but you also feel lonely because no one else gets that you’re feeling crushed because ‘It wasn’t a big deal’. No one reaches out to you, there’s no offer of a girly chat with tea and biccies, you’re on your own in your misery!

On the other hand, say you do get it! Do you feel good? For most people, the joyous feelings of success are very brief because you want to shout it from the rooftops about how excited you are and you want to celebrate but it doesn’t happen because it wasn’t a big deal remember. No one in your life even knew that you cared about it so again, no one reaches out. There’s no congratulations, there’s no dinner and cocktails, no champagne, no fuss and you know what, you probably won’t even celebrate it yourself- you’ll just say ‘that’s done, now what’s next?’.

You protected yourself so fiercely so that the pain would be less if it didn’t work out how you wanted but in doing so, you sucked all of the good stuff out of the experience as well.

It’s easier to live disappointed than to feel disappointment but my question to you is this:

Is it worth it?

Is protecting yourself from potential disappointment worth it if you also suck out all of the good stuff?

I used to think that the people who announced their wild dreams and hopes were just plain idiots who ultimately would come crashing down to earth with broken hearts and shattered aspirations but now, I want to be like them.

You see, I’ve lived in that space of shattered aspirations, a broken heart because I lived disappointed in an attempt to avoid ‘feeling’ disappointed and that was without announcing my wild dreams and hopes! I just built walls around myself and hid from the world telling myself I didn’t care.

But now, I’m ok in ‘feeling’ disappointed. And it’s what I believe we should aspire to- instead of building walls around ourselves, let’s build a community of people around us who know us, who see us and know when to celebrate with us and when to console us. Let’s strive for that connection and passion. Maybe we will feel deep disappointment some days but I guarantee that we’ll also feel deep, deep, joy, passion and excitement as well! I don’t know about you, but I want to live and love like that!

The Power Of Momentum

“The most important thing you can do to achieve your goals is to make sure that as soon as you set them, you immediately begin to create momentum.”  -Tony Robbins

Have you ever hesitated to take action and ended up stuck in a rut not knowing what to do? There are some common reasons why this happens.  Sometimes we are waiting for some kind of sign to indicate that it’s okay to move forward. We might be waiting until we feel more confident because we don’t really feel up to the challenge. Or, we could be thinking that if we just wait a bit longer than all the obstacles will disappear and our goals will be easier to achieve.

But how often do we use those reasons as excuses to avoid leaving our comfort zone? Let’s face it, if we are looking to justify procrastination there is no shortage of reasonable sounding excuses.

Procrastination is the equivalent of going nowhere!

The longer we wait to take action, the harder it is to get started. Circumstances will never be perfect and waiting until they are means that in the meantime, you’re going nowhere. The truth is, it will probably never get any easier to move forward and every moment that we hold back will just make things worse.

When we avoid taking action it’s often because we have created resistance in our own mind. We have convinced ourselves that what we want to do is exceedingly difficult. But is that really true or is it just an avoidance technique?

Create momentum, create confidence

Momentum is one of those rare, self-perpetuation phenomenon. That’s what makes it so powerful. The perfect example of momentum is a snowball rolling down a hill. What happens? It grows and picks up speed along the way, we all know this! But how can you use this power to achieve your goals and start living the life that you want to be living?

Instead of getting bogged down by excuses, we need to create some momentum as soon as possible. Trust me, this is not something that is hard to do! That huge, fast moving snowball started out small and slow. The reason it grew was because it kept moving. We don’t have to throw ourselves into action at warp speed, but we do need to start moving and to keep moving so we can build some momentum. You know yourself that as soon as you sit down and start doing something, you very quickly really get stuck into it! This is what I’m talking about!

3 Ways to build momentum

1) Commit to taking the necessary action steps first. That’s what you really need to focus on. What do you need to do first? What’s the most important step at this point? It could even be finding out more information on what to do!

One of the main reasons why people don’t achieve the goals that they set for themselves is because they lack commitment. Commitment to following through on the actions that will bring us where we want to go. Why do we lack commitment? Because we don’t begin immediately! Early on, action needs to be our main concern. Obviously, we want to keep our goal in sight, but the majority of our attention should go toward taking consistent and purposeful action. That’s how we build start building momentum as well as commitment!

2) Break the process down into baby steps. Taking small, consistent steps toward a goal is generally much more effective than mammoth action every now and then! (Think about, if you’re goal is to become healthier then which is best; exercising a little every day and cutting down on sweets or a 7 day detox once a year?)

Also, it’s easier to get ourselves to act on smaller tasks. Even tiny actions will eventually begin to build momentum and produce results, as long as we are consistent.  Making it your mission to move forward consistently will make it much easier to overcome obstacles because with each step your confidence will grow.

3) Don’t give up too early!  So many goals have been abandoned because people do one thing, they wait to see what happens, and quit when they don’t see the results they wanted.  Sometimes we don’t even see the results for a long period of time but change is happening below the surface- we just can’t see it yet!

So focus on building momentum, focus on keeping the ball rolling, even if you’re not seeing the results you want just yet. If you get discouraged and quit, that’s it, game over and you lose. Focus on building momentum.

Use momentum to overcome procrastination

Taking action leaves procrastination in the dust. If you do something every day that moves you toward your goals, you’ll be too busy to think about making excuses. Dale Carnegie made this point nicely when he said:

“Inaction breeds doubt and fear. Action breeds confidence and courage. If you want to conquer fear, do not sit home and think about it. Go out and get busy.”

So, what are you going to do today?

I hope you enjoyed this issue of Progress! If you have any strategies for keeping momentum or have any stories you’d like to share, just pop over to the facebook page and let us know!

Until Next Time,

Keep going!

P x

Have you lost your muchness?

I found this blog post in my old files! I’d written it over 3 years ago but I thought it was still relevant so wanted to share it with you now!

I watched Alice in Wonderland with Johnny Depp during the week. I’d seen it once before, but this time around one particular scene really caught my attention.

The Mad Hatter is talking to Alice and telling her that the last time she visited Wonderland, she was muchnesswide“much muchier” and now she seemed to have lost her “muchness.” I was intrigued. Muchness is defined as “greatness in quantity or degree.” What the Mad Hatter was saying in his own way was that Alice had lost some of who she used to be. Basically that she had forgotten who she truly was as she had grown up. I couldn’t believe I hadn’t picked up on that before.

How many of you feel that we have lost some part of ourselves as we’ve grown up? How many of you, as kids, were kinda afraid to grow up because you believed you would become less of yourself? I was afraid that I would become a boring, careful person who followed the rules and thought it odd to walk barefoot in the grass. But guess what? I grew up and followed the rules and thought it odd of people who walked in the grass barefoot! I was thinking, ‘do they not realise the amount of dog crap there!’ I’ve been trying to reclaim my muchness for years now!

When I think back to my childhood, I can see myself as exactly the same person yet at the same time, completely different. I feel quite lucky in the fact that I’ve always managed to keep some of my muchness, that childlike excitement, wonder and awe. However the bold fearlessness, perhaps ‘muchiness’ is something which I feel I’ve lost a lot of.

I was skiing earlier this year (2011!) and I had been really looking forward to it. I had been once before when I was younger and back then, on the first day, I had skied down the mountain with my older (but still very young) cousin. It was exhilarating and wild.

Back to present day, 26 years old, up a mountain with a pair of skies and a snail would have gone faster than me. I was terrified and I was really surprised. I suppose as I grew up, I had just become a lot more conscious of the fact that my body is perishable and can break. I was really disappointed that I held myself back so much whilst skiing this year and it’s only now I realise it’s because I had lost my muchness. (Possibly why I threw myself out of a plane and walked through fire since then!)

I don’t know about you, but I really don’t want to lose my muchness. I feel like it’s a huge part of me and that I have already lost enough of it. I find it scary that we lose a huge part of who we are, simply by growing older. I understand that we are going to grow up and there’s nothing that we can do about the passing of time however just because we grow older it doesn’t mean that we have to lose sight of who we used to be. Many of my clients often find their true passions and strengths when they remember who they truly are.

So, today I invite you to embrace and reclaim your muchness! Take some time to figure out what your muchness is and whether you’ve lost the essence of who you are as you grew up. When you get down the essence of who you were — the heart of who you thought you would be — what do you come up with? What of that essence have you lost? Contemplate the following questions and I’d love to hear your stories..

6 Questions To Reclaim Your Muchness

  1. What did I enjoy doing when I was a kid?  When you think about what you enjoyed doing you may be surprised that you still like to do those things. Often the things we enjoy as kids are things we enjoy our whole lives (A recent client of mine is making a career change from pharmaceuticals to fashion- she had been styling her dolls/ friends and making outfits since she was a child but was told it wasn’t a safe career. She is definitely reclaiming her muchness!!). Give this some thought and you’ll uncover a lot about the essence of who you are. What you liked to do then says a lot about the kind of person you were. (Not sure what to say to the people who used to burn insects under a magnifying glass!)
  2. Did I stop doing those things and why? Some people continue to do the things they loved to do as kids however most of us have stopped. Think about what you did as a kid and ask yourself why you still do it or why you have stopped?
  3. Who did I think I would be when I grew up?  Allow yourself to be completely honest here because when you think about who you thought you would be, you’ll learn about the things that were important to you as a kid. I know that some things may be a bit far-fetched, for example a Super Hero but… think about why you wanted to be that person? What did you think that would give you? Respect, Strength, Fitness. If you wanted to be a pilot, it could have been that you wanted to travel and see the world.
  4. How am I like my childhood ideal?  Take some time to consider how you might actually be like your childhood ideal. You might not be exactly what you thought you would be, but you may be closer than you think. For example, I always wanted to be a published author which at the moment I’m not, but I do spend a lot of my time writing!
  5. What attitudes and beliefs did I hold as a kid?  This is probably the most important question. Though it’s essential to examine what you liked to do and who you thought you would be, the most important thing to consider is what your beliefs were as a child. What was important to you? In Alice in Wonderland, the Mad Hatter believes Alice has lost some of her courage because she grew up. Consider how you may have acted as a child and then consider…
  6. How have my attitudes and beliefs changed?  As we get older, it’s no surprise that some of the things we hold as important change. But think about how your beliefs may have changed since you were a kid. What attitudes did you have then that you may not have now? If you witnessed an injustice, as a child would you have spoken up? Would you now?

The majority of individuals I work with are twenty-somethings and I believe a big reason why so many of us struggle in our twenties is because we have lost our muchness and it is incredibly frustrating. We can see what we want to do, be or have but we don’t the muchness to go after it. There’s something missing and we make the mistake of believing that it is something external but it’s not. Everything we need to fill the ‘emptiness’ or ‘the something missing’ is still within us, just hidden inside- we simply need to reclaim it!

I hope you enjoyed this issue of Progress! Pop over to the facebook page and let me know if you feel you’ve lost your muchness and what you’re going to do to reclaim it!

Love Always,

Paula x

Do you know her?

She is a smart woman, she found school interesting and fun yet she would never let on! She always enjoyed exams and tests because she was able to stay calm. She accepted that what she knew then would have to be enough and she felt empowered. She enjoyed that feeling as she felt special, everyone else seemed to be panicky and stressed. Part of her misses that school but again, she’d never let on!

She gets an anxious feeling in her chest or around her heart every now and then, she’s not 100% sure what it is but it bothers her. It means that she knows she’s holding back from something- that there’s something that could be better but she’s too afraid to do something about it.

She’s a very open and warm person and tries to see the best in everyone. Sometimes though, she can be played and people take advantage of her. She doesn’t like to be angry and feels guilty at the idea of hurting someone else’s feelings. She would rather take the hit herself than to hurt someone she cares about. This causes her to numb her feelings quite a lot. As a result, she tends not to really know what’s important to her or what she really wants. She’s quite open to other people’s influences and suggestions.

She is curious and imaginative and loves new things, exploring, parades and gatherings of people. She loves having something to look forward to although she doesn’t allow herself to get excited until it’s actually happening. She has a bit of a short attention span and can get distracted easily. She will start new courses and projects, make big bold resolutions and then not follow through.

She speaks to herself harshly, she is her own worst critic and her own worst enemy. She is a sensitive soul and she needs to be alone every now and then to soothe her soul and recharge. She will get upset if she doesn’t have a chance to do this and the only reason she won’t get the chance is because she is too harsh with herself. She will look forward to a massage or something special for herself and then she won’t allow herself to do it or have it because she doesn’t deserve it, she hasn’t earned it.

In a relationship, she can be easily taken advantage of as she would never want to hurt someone she cares about and if her partner knows this, he/she can exploit that. She is very loyal and loving and will always try to help her partner as much as possible- often she would end up in a relationship with someone who needs a bit of help and support– a lost soul. She will always fight for the underdog and help make him top dog and it will be really hard for her when he turns and bites her. She is very low maintenance and easy going.

She loves the little things in life and in a relationship, the little things are just as, if not more important than any grand gestures. She loves to feel she can talk to her partner about anything. She wants someone who will treat her with respect but she would never demand it.

In work, she is really hard working. It is important that she feels authentic- it’s important that she knows what she is doing and feels confident. She suffers from imposter syndrome sometimes and is terrified that she will be caught out or that her boss or colleagues might find out that she doesn’t have the answer. Relationships in work are important and it is vital that she has respect for her colleagues and most importantly, she needs to respect and admire her boss. If she doesn’t, she will never feel comfortable or honest in her career.
If she finds herself in a career or relationship that doesn’t ‘feel right’ for a long period of time but doesn’t do anything, her self esteem and confidence start to suffer. Her values start to get fuzzy as well as her sense of who she is and what she’s about. Because she’s a sensitive soul, not wanting to hurt anyone else, it will normally take a lot before she does anything to change her situation.

The straw that broke the camel’s back is normally what happens for her. Something simple, something silly, something small- just a moment when she just thinks

“Oh my god, is this it? Is this me forever? Is this my life?”

Once she reaches this point, things start to happen. She rebels a bit, she notices that she doesn’t really care about certain things, she’s not really sure who she is anymore and starts looking for answers. She is entering a metamorphosis and knows that she needs to make some changes……

Do you know her?

She is me. I wrote this about myself a few years ago. If you’ve read up to this point, then I’m guessing she is you as well!

I’m often asked what I do and who I work with.

I work with her. I adore her. I work with her to help her find her own place in the world, to practice self love and self respect, to be real and authentic. I work with her to help her find her answers. To help her find meaningful work and loving supportive relationships. I help her to adore herself and be happy within herself.

I’d love to hear if you resonated with this! I really would love to know if you know her? Please drop me a line to paula @ myquarterlifecoach.com or pop over to the facebook page and let me know!

Here’s to her!

Paula xx

The Percentage of Your Wellness = The Percentage of Your Success

The % of your Wellness = the % of Your Success

That statement hit me right in the stomach.

I was at a group coaching session with a coach I deeply admire and we had been working on goals. She was asking how committed we were to achieving them, the rest of the group were really enthusiastic shouting out ‘Hell yeah, 100%!’ ‘ I’m 120%, it’s gonna happen, I can’t wait to get started!’

Then it was my turn, ‘Eh, honestly, about 50%, no really actually about 40%’.

I so desperately wanted what I wanted but I just didn’t have the drive I needed to get really excited or passionate about putting in the work. It seemed like so much effort and it made me tired and overwhelmed even thinking about starting! (For a second, I thought I was going to be politely asked to leave!)

Then my coach said the magic sentence. She said ‘The percentage of your Wellness equals the percentage of your Success’ and then it clicked! She had me sussed! No wonder I was only about 40ish% committed to achieving what I wanted to do! I was exhausted, I was stressed, my sleeping pattern was all over the place and my recycling bin was brimming with takeaway Chinese and pizza boxes!

I realised that I had to change my goals drastically! I had wanted to grow my business, take on more clients, get more speaking gigs, create new programmes and make a bigger impact but when it dawned on me that I knew that there was no way that I could achieve these things. I had to slow it down and instead of focusing on the external things I wanted to do and achieve, I had to focus on me and my own wellness. The percentage of my wellness equaled the percentage of my success.

To me, wellness means:

  • Getting enough sleep
  • Having fun and relaxing
  • Eating a healthy balanced diet
  • Getting regular exercise
  • Daily gratitude practice
  • Spending quality time with the people I care about

At the time, sleep-wise I was probably averaging about 7 hours per night but I was going to bed at 3-4am. Sometimes I got 3 hours sleep, sometimes I crashed for 12 hours. I felt like I didn’t deserve to have fun or relax because there was so much to do and I hadn’t earned the right for time out. I was eating crap, getting no exercise, going to bed stressed and annoyed with myself and feeling guilty when I was with my family and friends because I wasn’t really present with them, my mind was distracted and on over-drive! I was almost always feeling ashamed of myself. I hadn’t even contemplated changing my lifestyle!

There’s a brilliant researcher and author called Brene Brown and in one of her books she described a conversation she had with her therapist, she said

‘I feel like a turtle without a shell in a briar patch. I need a shell, what can you give me? What do you suggest?‘ The therapist replied saying ‘I have an idea. Why don’t you get out of the briar patch? You’re getting poked and prodded and hurt, not because you don’t have a shell but because you’re living in a briar patch’.

That resonated with me so much! I wanted a shell. Something that I could just put on and get going, to keep on keeping on! But (reluctantly) I realised that I had to get out of the briar patch and change my lifestyle.

I’ve made a lot of changes and I still have a lot of changes to make but I’m definitely making progress! My goals are balanced now to ensure that self-care is as important, if not more important than external achievement and the difference that has made to my life is incredible! I may not be at 100% yet but I’m a hell of lot better than 40ish%

How about you? Are you trying to push yourself to do more, be more and achieve more when you’re operating at reduced wellness? Where are you at now? What is your wellness percentage? Have you ever thought about this concept before and does it resonate with you? I’d love to hear your feedback and get a discussion going so pop over the facebook page and drop me a line!

Also, check out my fab programme ‘30 days to be your own Fairy Godmother‘ starting on the 15th June!

Until next week, be well!

Paula x

Want to know what’s at the core of a Quarter Life Crisis?

The answer is Decisions…

You see, we’ve been raised with the myth of ‘having it all’! We are in fact the first generation (women especially) who have been raised and told that we can have it all! But the reality is that it is simply not true!

There is an opportunity cost for every decision that we make and that makes things quite uncomfortable for us. For example, if you were deciding whether to go to college straight after school- the opportunity cost would be 4 years salary and progression in a job. If you decided to be in a  committed relationship, the opportunity cost of that would be dating other people. If you have children and decided to work full time, the opportunity cost of that would be that someone else will be looking after them when you’re in work. If you were  to decide to stay home, the opportunity cost of that would be not making as much progress in your career as you may like. If you decided to do a part-time degree, the opportunity cost of that could be not having as much free time or money to go out with friends and have fun.

With every decision that we make- there is an opportunity cost, you are losing or sacrificing the next best alternative. This doesn’t sit well with many people because as I mentioned before, we have been raised and told that we can have and do it all but the reality is that it’s not possible! So what happens is that we sit on the fence and then we get stuck there because we’re not making decisions or taking action out of the fear of what we may lose out on if we commit to one particular path.

 This is the core of the Quarter Life Crisis- you know that you’re at a point when you need to make a decision on where you are going to go, what you’re going to do and what type of person you want to be but you’re not feeling able to make that decision and so you remain stuck and life seems to be passing you by.

Look at this time in your life as a crossroads, you’re in between who you were in the past and right up to this moment and who you’re going to be from today, tomorrow and onwards. It’s a time when a lot of questions will come up for you, questions about who you are, who you want to be, where you want to go, what you want to achieve or accomplish, where you want to live. It’s a time of confusion, anxiety and frustration which to be honest, no one really prepares us for, but it also seems to be a really normal experience for our generation! This is the New Normal guys!

What fence do you need to get off?fence life pass by

P x

 P.S Remember, you are who I work with!

Already I’ve worked with over 100 people just like you from all over the world to help them overcome their Quarter Life Crisis! It’s what I do!

I would love to help you do the same so check out www.myquarterlifecoach.com to see how we can work together or sign up for The Fairy Godmother Programme starting in less than 2 weeks on the 31st May 2014!

Are You Holding Yourself Back? Top 5 tips to Overcome the fear of Failure

I haven’t failed; I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work. –Thomas Edison

No one ever wants to think of themselves as a failure. We have such negative associations with the word! We think that if we fail at something, we will be embarrassed, we’ll feel ashamed, we’ll lose respect from others and ourselves and often, if we try something we want to do and it doesn’t work out- that means that we’ll lose our dreams, hopes and aspirations. It can be scary stuff and for many people, the fear of failure is what stops them from even trying.

What we always forget is that some sort of failure is inevitable if we are to succeed in life. My nephew Jamie was fantastic at reminding me about this! When he was learning to walk, he wasn’t afraid to try and during his learning curve, he walked into walls, tumbled, fell down repeatedly but he always jumped up and went at it again! (Now I’m not for a moment calling my nephew a failure!) It’s really interesting to watch babies and kids learn because they accept and know that it will take them a while to get the hang of something. They do it at their own pace and they have so much fun learning.

The rest of us grown-ups unfortunately, are very aware of the notion of failure. We’ve been conditioned to fear failure. The thing is that many people are unsure how to overcome obstacles and potential failure and they are simply stopped dead in their tracks when things start to go a bit pear-shaped. The ability to pick yourself up and get back on the horse is one big difference between the people who succeed and the people who just don’t get there.

So, knowing that overcoming obstacles is essential to tackling your fear of failure, what should you do? Here are my top 5 tips to help you overcome failure:

1. Pick yourself up and hold no regrets!
When things don’t work out, we’re often tempted to think that we have completely wasted our time. But that is never entirely true! Like Edison when he was inventing the light bulb; we have found a way that doesn’t work so our time hasn’t been wasted. We’ve learnt a lesson and we won’t try that exact path next time. We will try something different. Each failure you encounter increases your wisdom and brings you one step closer to success. If you adopt this mindset, you will see failure from a completely different perspective. You will see failure as an opportunity to learn.

2. Keep dreaming big dreams
Always have your destination in mind; keep dreaming your big dreams. Spend time visualising yourself already achieving your dreams. Use your imagination to help you foresee and overcome potential obstacles in your path. The process of visualization was investigated during the preparation of Olympic athletes between 1980-1990. The athletes were hooked to the sophisticated biofeedback equipment and were asked to run their event only in their mind. What they found was that the same muscles fired in the same sequence when they were running the race only in their mind as they were running it on the track. So use your mind to practice overcoming obstacles and avoiding failure.
3. What’s the worst case scenario?

One of the most powerful questions posed by Tim Ferris in the 4 Hour Work Week is: If you chase your dreams and fall flat on your face, how long would it take you to recover? Ask yourself this question and I bet you’ll be surprised by the answer. Another question posed by Susan Jeffers in her best-selling book Feel the fear and do It Anyway is ‘If the worst thing possible happened, could you handle it?’ We all underestimate our own strength and by knowing you could handle the worst case scenario can give you the inner strength that you need to take the first step! Is the fear of a few difficult months enough to keep you in a place you’re unhappy with for the rest of your life?

4. Take action

The best way to reduce your fear and build your confidence is by taking action. By actually doing the very thing you are afraid of gives you back your power. Break it down into small manageable parts and do it at your own pace- but keep progressing. Make sure that you reward yourself for each step you complete- you have many years of negative conditioning to overcome so give yourself credit! If you’re not sure what to do, ask yourself ‘What would I do if I knew I couldn’t fail?’ If you are truthful is answering this, you will see that it’s only your fear that’s holding you back and you already know exactly what you need to do.

5. Burn the boats

One to think about! In battle, the ancient Greeks established a well-deserved reputation for bravery, discipline, and determination. They were successful because they were well trained, well lead, and most of all, well motivated. The Greeks were master motivators who understood how to instil commitment and prepare their soldiers for victory. To infuse their army with a spirit of commitment, the moment they landed on the enemy’s shore, the Greek commanders would give the order to “burn the boats.” Imagine the tremendous psychological impact on the soldiers as they watched their boats being set alight. There was no turning back. Once their boats were burned, they realized that the only way they were going home was through victory.

Are there any boats you need to burn to cement your commitment?

I hope you enjoyed this issue of Progress! Please feel free to get in touch and share any of your thoughts or ideas with me via email/facebook/twitter! I’d love to hear from you! Also, if you have a topic or question you would like me to address, please just let me know!

Until next time,

Love and Respect,

Paula

The Fairy Godmother Programme

30 Days to Awaken Your Personal Power

Starts This Friday!

fairy_godmother_package_image4

Have you been feeling like this?

  •  Completely defeated and low energy? You’re working your ass off but it doesn’t feel like life is progressing at all
  • That everyone else is doing so much better and are so much happier than you
  •  Your confidence is feeling low – you need a boost!
  •  You’re feeling completely overwhelmed that you’ve lost all direction for your life
  •  You’re wasting time and energy and money (and you know it)
  •  You don’t know where to start with getting a plan together
  •  You KNOW you have so much potential and power inside you and you’re ready to finally GO FOR IT!

Is this YOU??? If so, you are DEFINITELY NOT ALONE!

Don’t miss out on this!

A year from now, could you bear to be in exactly the same place, doing the same thing and feeling the same way about your life?

My 30 day ‘Be Your Own Fairy Godmother’ Programme starts THIS FRIDAY -21st February 2014!

I won’t be running this course again until May/June 2014!

So sign up for this 30 day programme and get ready to Be Your Own Fairy Godmother and start making magic in your own life!

It’s decision time!

P x

Top 5 tips for a healthy relationship!

 Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take

but by the moments that take our breath away –

Maya Angelo

As Valentine’s Day is just around the corner, I’m sure it’s no surprise that this issue of my ezine is devoted to the big L word- Love. I’ve been referred to as the ‘Relationship Queen’ by some of my friends but please bear in mind that this title wasn’t given to me because my relationships were perfect, rather because I was always in one! But a few years ago, I found myself single after a 6 year relationship ended via text message! Talk about ouch!! It was never going to work but it was only afterwards that I realised why. I want to share with you the lessons I have learnt and taken with me from that experience.

TOP 5 TIPS FOR A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP

1. Love Yourself

I don’t mean a vain, conceited self love rather a strong, healthy appreciation of who you are as an individual and what you bring to the relationship. By acknowledging your own worth, you are setting the standard for how you want your partner to treat you so ensure that you set it at the level that you truly deserve.

2. Know Your Partner’s values

This is so important and is the root of most conflict in relationships. You must find out what is most important to you and to your partner. Your values shape your decisions and therefore the direction of your life. If there is a conflict in the values of two individuals, there will be a conflict in the relationship as you will be pulled in different directions. For example, if one individual valued adventure and freedom and his/her partner valued security and family- can you see how there could be conflict in the relationship?

3. Communicate

Talk to each other. Don’t let issues fester and build up. If something is bothering you, ensure that you talk to your partner about it.  If you can’t talk openly about your needs and your feelings, then I would encourage you to ask yourself why not and perhaps look over tip number one.

4. Respect

If there is mutual respect, your relationship will be so much smoother. It is just so essential for a healthy relationship. An interesting thing however, is that people have different ‘rules’ about what respect means. For example, I may believe that you show the other person respect by being open and honest about your feelings, even if what you say be hurtful while my partner could believe that you show respect by never saying a bad word, raising your voice or by leaving the room if things got heated. If an argument occurred and I behaved my way and he behaved his way, we would both feel completely disrespected even though the intention on both sides was to be respectful! We are complex creatures which is why it is so important to understand tips two and three.

5. Enjoy time apart

Finally, enjoy time apart. Don’t lose sight of who you are as an individual and morph into a ‘we’! It tends to happen quite easily so keep an eye out! Nurture your relationships with your own friends and pursue your own interests. Your relationship needs to breathe and so do you!

I hope you enjoyed this issue of Progress! While I was writing these tips, I was asking myself ‘What’s the main difference between my past relationships and my current relationship?’ The answer really is tip number 1- Love Yourself. You see, now I have a strong and healthy appreciation of who I am and what I bring to the relationship.I know my own value and worth and I communicate what I will and will not tolerate. That was something I had always been scared to do in the past, I was always afraid of upsetting my partner in case he got mad and left. Basically, I put his needs ahead of my own because I was afraid of losing him. That relationship ended with my getting dumped via a text message after 6 years together so needless to say, that wasn’t a very healthy relationship!

Learning to love and appreciate myself was a tough journey and one that I’m still not done with but the changes in my life over the past few years have been incredible. This is one of the core modules that I teach in my ‘Be Your Own Fairy Godmother‘ Programme! If you need to stop being so hard on yourself, allow yourself to open up more and start to appreciate your own worth and power then I would highly encourage you to join us on the 21st February! Make it a gift of love to yourself this month!

Chat soon,

P x

The Fairy Godmother Programme

30 days to Awaken Your Personal Power

Starting February 21st 2014

fairy_godmother_package_image4

Have you been feeling like this?

  •  Completely defeated and low energy? You’re working your ass off but it doesn’t feel like life is progressing at all
  • That everyone else is doing so much better and are so much happier than you
  •  Your confidence is feeling low – you need a boost!
  •  You’re feeling completely overwhelmed that you’ve lost all direction for your life
  •  You’re wasting time and energy and money (and you know it)
  •  You don’t know where to start with getting a plan together
  •  You KNOW you have so much potential and power inside you and you’re ready to finally GO FOR IT!

Is this YOU??? If so, you are DEFINITELY NOT ALONE!

Don’t miss out on this!

A year from now, could you bear to be in exactly the same place, doing the same thing and feeling the same way about your life?

My 30 day ‘Be Your Own Fairy Godmother’ Programme starts on February 21st 2014! I won’t be running this course again until May/June 2014!

So sign up for this 30 day programme and get ready to Be Your Own Fairy Godmother and start making magic in your own life!

It’s decision time!

P x

Two Questions vs Four Questions

When it comes to our lives, most of the time we ask just 2 questions. They are:

What do I want?

And

How Do I get it?

But the funny thing is that often, we’re not 100% sure what we want so we look around us to try and figure out what we should want. We’re told by others what we’d be good at, what constitutes a ‘good life’. We are influenced by our friends, our families, our parents, media and our culture. We are conditioned to move towards things that we’re told we should want.

So anyway then we ask the second question, How do I get it? We’re told the path- it’s generally work really hard, put your head down and keep going. So we duly oblige, we work really hard and pursue that path only to get there and realise that it doesn’t really fit us!

If we’re lucky and have the resources, we may be able to go back a step and ask the first question again’ Ok, what do I want now since that didn’t work out too well? And what happens; we spin ourselves right back into the same loop again.

I was spinning for a good while before I realised that I needed to ask four questions, not two. These 4 questions honestly changed my life and have changed the lives of so many people that I’ve worked with. The four questions you need to ask, in this order are:

 1. Who Am I?

2. What Do I want?

3. Why do I want this?

4. How Do I get it?

 1. Who Am I?

How could we forget this most basic question? The first time I asked this of myself I hadn’t a clue! I couldn’t answer it without just saying I’m Paula. But really, the question is all about getting to the core of you. What makes you tick? What do you enjoy? What’s most important to you in your life? In your work? What do you value? What do you believe about yourself? What do you believe about other people? What do you believe about the world? What shapes you? What did you love to do as a kid? What makes you you? You are completely unique! You have a unique set of skills, life experience, passions, characteristics, traits, thoughts and emotions to anyone else in the world!

Do you think it might be worthwhile to spend some time getting to know yourself first before you make decision about what you want to do with your life?

 2. What do I want?

We’ve met this question before but I assure you that the answer for a lot of people is quite different if they’ve taken the time to really figure themselves out first. There is clarity, confidence and a huge boost to your self esteem when you ask this question aligned with the knowledge of who you are.

3. Why do I want it?

This is the safety net question. If the word ‘should’ is in your answer then I want the Star Trek Red Alert noise to play in your head! By asking this question, you are making sure that you ‘own’ your decision! To make sure that there’s no influence or interference from people who are not you! To make sure that it is in sync with who you are.

 4. How do I get it?

If you approach your career asking the above questions, you’ll have greater clarity about who you are and what you want to offer the world, you’ll know exactly what you want and what you need to prioritise, you’ll know the motivation behind your desires and that will be the driving force to get you to take action and because of your confidence, focus and passion, you will figure out how to do it.

It doesn’t seem like a big deal but it is one of the most powerful and simplest ways to take control of your life, how you feel about the decisions you make and more importantly how you feel about yourself!

I hope you enjoyed this issue of Progress! If you’d like to explore these 4 questions in more detail then check out The Quarter Life Club! This is my monthly membership programme with a private facebook community, Live Coaching Sessions once a month and we tackle a new topic every month including Life Design for Girls; Goal- Setting for Girls; Overcoming Not Good Enough for Girls; Belief Systems for Girls; Assertiveness for Girls and many more! All for less than €10 per month! Click here to find out more!

Until next time, ask yourself the right questions!

P x

What’s your label?

Probably one of the biggest obstacles that you will face anytime that you want to make a change in your life is……….Your Label. You have been branded and labelled from infancy and the extent to which you have bought into this labelling, is the extent to which you’ll find it difficult to discard. As much as I cringe to say it, but for many of us, we are who we have been told we are. We’re wearing our own brand and it can be quite restrictive. Your labels, positive or negative, have boxed you in quite nicely!

A label/branding/story- call it what you will, that really seemed to stick to myself and my sister Lyn was that, at some point in our childhood,  someone said ‘Lynda got the looks and Paula got the brains’ or something along the lines of that! That statement stuck to us like glue! It was a label that defined both of us for years. Lyn assumed that she wasn’t academic or smart and gave herself a really hard time about that; I just didn’t bother with my appearance and had really low self-esteem about how I looked!

Some people say that your culture and environment determines your personality and character. Others believe that you are born with your character intact and your destiny is already sewn up. What do you think- does biology or the stars decide your fate? Are we purely the products of what we have been raised to be? What I believe anyway is that we always have free will. Who you are right now is of importance but what is paramount is who you will become.

Who you are is who you have been up until this moment. It is our choices and how we respond to our environment that ultimately shapes our lives. Once the deck has been cut, you’re the one dealing the hand. It sounds easy doesn’t it? That we can just choose to respond to our Words that stick on youenvironment in a different way than we have done for the past 20 years! I agree that it sounds easy but putting it into practice can be quite difficult. Now remember, I said difficult; not impossible.

How to Create Yourself

Step 1: Start Picking!

First you must free yourself! Awareness is power! Lyn and I both knew that this statement had been made and we both knew that it had defined us. But when we talked about it, it began to lose its power. You know the way if you buy a new item of clothing, the label might be stuck on but as soon as you see it, you start to pick it off. That’s exactly the same here, as soon as you see it, start picking off the old, untrue and outdated labels! So, who predicted your future? What label might be boxing you in?

Step 2: What’s stuck on you?

Make a list of the labels that have been stuck on you that do absolutely nothing for you. For example, have you been told that:

  • You’re always late
  • You’re easily distracted
  • You’re lazy
  • You’re brutal at sports
  • You’re argumentative
  • You’re too soft
  • You’re really shy

Now, I want you to see these as they are – someone else’s perspective. In fact, they’re more than likely meaningless, throwaway comments that got stuck on you and have been stuck ever since! These are the easiest labels to pick off, when you can see them for what they are- a throwaway comment on a report card from 6th class or something like that- they tend to just drop off

 Step 3: Re-Brand!

If you’re someone who has been labelled as ‘always late’ and it’s something that you no longer want to be true; then drop it now. This actually is one of mine! I was always late for school, probably because I wasn’t bothered about it but I was always told my friends, by teachers, by the person in charge of detention ‘Paula, you’re always late.’ That was a label which stuck with me for years; I was always late because that’s who I was. I was someone who was always late. I definitely wanted to re-brand that aspect because I hated being late, it made me anxious and tense! So I picked off the label and rebranded as someone who is on time. I developed new habits by modelling people who were on time. I actually plan to rebrand myself again and someone who is always early!

 What’s your new story?

You are the author of your own life. Only you can take the credit. Only you can take the blame. You are writing your story every day based on how you choose to respond to your environment! The question is not ‘Who Am I?’ but ‘Who do I want to be?’ This question takes you out of the box that you’ve been hiding in, forces you to look at the labels and decide if you want to rebrand because the truth is that your story could be amazing!

I hope you enjoyed this issue of Progress! I’d love to hear what labels you’ve decided to pick off and how your story will change as a result! Drop me a line and let me know!

Also, I was just wondering how are you going to change your life this year? What are you going to do differently?

I’m running the Fairy Godmother Programme for the last time in 2016 next week! It will be a whole month focused on YOU! You will walk away with focus, clarity, confidence and determination to make it happen. It’s an amazing way to spend a month! Check it out here!

Until next time,

Choose your story!

P x