Tag Archives: excitement

Is it better to live disappointed than to feel disappointed?

I don’t know about you, but I held back in life so often! I second guessed myself, hesitated, over-thought every little thing and got myself into analysis paralysis. Most of the time I did this when an opportunity presented itself or when I wanted to do something really amazing and exciting, something that would make me happy!

Do you know why I did this- it’s because I didn’t want to get my hopes up.

I know I’m not alone in this- we’ve all done it and many of us are still doing it. We say things like ‘I don’t want to get my hopes up’ or ‘I’ll see what happens’ whenever the chance of a great opportunity is there regardless of whether it’s a promotion, new job, meeting someone great that you really click with- our almost default reaction is not to get our hopes up. It seems like the smart thing to do yeah?

WRONG!

What we’re doing is we’re trying to protect ourselves from being let down, feeling disappointed and vulnerable. One way that you protect yourself against vulnerability is you just kind of stay in a constant state of  disappointment.

It’s easier to live disappointed than to feel disappointment. A constant state of disappointment is easier than dipping in and out of it and this is what so many people do. The problem with this approach though is that without realising it, you’re building up barriers against the good stuff as well and isolating yourself.

When I made myself live in that constant low level of disappointment in order to protect myself from feeling disappointed or let down- guess what happened? I was always low. I didn’t get excited about things, I didn’t pursue anything with passion and I didn’t share my hopes and dreams with people I cared about, I kept putting off the excitement and happy feelings and then all of a sudden, the moment would have passed and it was over. It was incredibly lonely.

There is an author/researcher in the States called Brene Brown and I adore her work- she has a book called The Gifts Of Imperfection and in it, she explains that if you refuse to get your hopes up, it doesn’t lessen the disappointment if your dream doesn’t happen, but it absolutely lessens the joy and happiness you experience.

So, say there is the amazing opportunity in work. A job that you have been working towards for years, great salary, a bit of travel and some work from home- you know you want it so bad BUT you start protecting yourself from disappointment and start to tell yourself and other people ‘Oh, it’s not that big a deal! I might not get it because if this and that, this person is much more qualified, blah blah, blah’.

Say you don’t get it- do you feel disappointed? Of course you do, you feel crushed! And not only that, but you also feel lonely because no one else gets that you’re feeling crushed because ‘It wasn’t a big deal’. No one reaches out to you, there’s no offer of a girly chat with tea and biccies, you’re on your own in your misery!

On the other hand, say you do get it! Do you feel good? For most people, the joyous feelings of success are very brief because you want to shout it from the rooftops about how excited you are and you want to celebrate but it doesn’t happen because it wasn’t a big deal remember. No one in your life even knew that you cared about it so again, no one reaches out. There’s no congratulations, there’s no dinner and cocktails, no champagne, no fuss and you know what, you probably won’t even celebrate it yourself- you’ll just say ‘that’s done, now what’s next?’.

You protected yourself so fiercely so that the pain would be less if it didn’t work out how you wanted but in doing so, you sucked all of the good stuff out of the experience as well.

It’s easier to live disappointed than to feel disappointment but my question to you is this:

Is it worth it?

Is protecting yourself from potential disappointment worth it if you also suck out all of the good stuff?

I used to think that the people who announced their wild dreams and hopes were just plain idiots who ultimately would come crashing down to earth with broken hearts and shattered aspirations but now, I want to be like them.

You see, I’ve lived in that space of shattered aspirations, a broken heart because I lived disappointed in an attempt to avoid ‘feeling’ disappointed and that was without announcing my wild dreams and hopes! I just built walls around myself and hid from the world telling myself I didn’t care.

But now, I’m ok in ‘feeling’ disappointed. And it’s what I believe we should aspire to- instead of building walls around ourselves, let’s build a community of people around us who know us, who see us and know when to celebrate with us and when to console us. Let’s strive for that connection and passion. Maybe we will feel deep disappointment some days but I guarantee that we’ll also feel deep, deep, joy, passion and excitement as well! I don’t know about you, but I want to live and love like that!

Have you lost your muchness?

I found this blog post in my old files! I’d written it over 3 years ago but I thought it was still relevant so wanted to share it with you now!

I watched Alice in Wonderland with Johnny Depp during the week. I’d seen it once before, but this time around one particular scene really caught my attention.

The Mad Hatter is talking to Alice and telling her that the last time she visited Wonderland, she was muchnesswide“much muchier” and now she seemed to have lost her “muchness.” I was intrigued. Muchness is defined as “greatness in quantity or degree.” What the Mad Hatter was saying in his own way was that Alice had lost some of who she used to be. Basically that she had forgotten who she truly was as she had grown up. I couldn’t believe I hadn’t picked up on that before.

How many of you feel that we have lost some part of ourselves as we’ve grown up? How many of you, as kids, were kinda afraid to grow up because you believed you would become less of yourself? I was afraid that I would become a boring, careful person who followed the rules and thought it odd to walk barefoot in the grass. But guess what? I grew up and followed the rules and thought it odd of people who walked in the grass barefoot! I was thinking, ‘do they not realise the amount of dog crap there!’ I’ve been trying to reclaim my muchness for years now!

When I think back to my childhood, I can see myself as exactly the same person yet at the same time, completely different. I feel quite lucky in the fact that I’ve always managed to keep some of my muchness, that childlike excitement, wonder and awe. However the bold fearlessness, perhaps ‘muchiness’ is something which I feel I’ve lost a lot of.

I was skiing earlier this year (2011!) and I had been really looking forward to it. I had been once before when I was younger and back then, on the first day, I had skied down the mountain with my older (but still very young) cousin. It was exhilarating and wild.

Back to present day, 26 years old, up a mountain with a pair of skies and a snail would have gone faster than me. I was terrified and I was really surprised. I suppose as I grew up, I had just become a lot more conscious of the fact that my body is perishable and can break. I was really disappointed that I held myself back so much whilst skiing this year and it’s only now I realise it’s because I had lost my muchness. (Possibly why I threw myself out of a plane and walked through fire since then!)

I don’t know about you, but I really don’t want to lose my muchness. I feel like it’s a huge part of me and that I have already lost enough of it. I find it scary that we lose a huge part of who we are, simply by growing older. I understand that we are going to grow up and there’s nothing that we can do about the passing of time however just because we grow older it doesn’t mean that we have to lose sight of who we used to be. Many of my clients often find their true passions and strengths when they remember who they truly are.

So, today I invite you to embrace and reclaim your muchness! Take some time to figure out what your muchness is and whether you’ve lost the essence of who you are as you grew up. When you get down the essence of who you were — the heart of who you thought you would be — what do you come up with? What of that essence have you lost? Contemplate the following questions and I’d love to hear your stories..

6 Questions To Reclaim Your Muchness

  1. What did I enjoy doing when I was a kid?  When you think about what you enjoyed doing you may be surprised that you still like to do those things. Often the things we enjoy as kids are things we enjoy our whole lives (A recent client of mine is making a career change from pharmaceuticals to fashion- she had been styling her dolls/ friends and making outfits since she was a child but was told it wasn’t a safe career. She is definitely reclaiming her muchness!!). Give this some thought and you’ll uncover a lot about the essence of who you are. What you liked to do then says a lot about the kind of person you were. (Not sure what to say to the people who used to burn insects under a magnifying glass!)
  2. Did I stop doing those things and why? Some people continue to do the things they loved to do as kids however most of us have stopped. Think about what you did as a kid and ask yourself why you still do it or why you have stopped?
  3. Who did I think I would be when I grew up?  Allow yourself to be completely honest here because when you think about who you thought you would be, you’ll learn about the things that were important to you as a kid. I know that some things may be a bit far-fetched, for example a Super Hero but… think about why you wanted to be that person? What did you think that would give you? Respect, Strength, Fitness. If you wanted to be a pilot, it could have been that you wanted to travel and see the world.
  4. How am I like my childhood ideal?  Take some time to consider how you might actually be like your childhood ideal. You might not be exactly what you thought you would be, but you may be closer than you think. For example, I always wanted to be a published author which at the moment I’m not, but I do spend a lot of my time writing!
  5. What attitudes and beliefs did I hold as a kid?  This is probably the most important question. Though it’s essential to examine what you liked to do and who you thought you would be, the most important thing to consider is what your beliefs were as a child. What was important to you? In Alice in Wonderland, the Mad Hatter believes Alice has lost some of her courage because she grew up. Consider how you may have acted as a child and then consider…
  6. How have my attitudes and beliefs changed?  As we get older, it’s no surprise that some of the things we hold as important change. But think about how your beliefs may have changed since you were a kid. What attitudes did you have then that you may not have now? If you witnessed an injustice, as a child would you have spoken up? Would you now?

The majority of individuals I work with are twenty-somethings and I believe a big reason why so many of us struggle in our twenties is because we have lost our muchness and it is incredibly frustrating. We can see what we want to do, be or have but we don’t the muchness to go after it. There’s something missing and we make the mistake of believing that it is something external but it’s not. Everything we need to fill the ‘emptiness’ or ‘the something missing’ is still within us, just hidden inside- we simply need to reclaim it!

I hope you enjoyed this issue of Progress! Pop over to the facebook page and let me know if you feel you’ve lost your muchness and what you’re going to do to reclaim it!

Love Always,

Paula x

We’re one month in! Are you excited?

So, we’re one month into the New Year! How is 2018 going for you? Are you feeling excited about your life? Do you feel driven towards achieving what you’d like to achieve this year?

One month in, for many people is a dip. The motivation and drive that was there at the beginning of the year starts to fade away and we got caught up in our day to day living and we forget to design our life the way we want it! You see, many people know what they would like to do but they never do it! The reason is that they’re lacking the drive that only being excited about your life can give you!

Instead of getting excited about the things we want and working towards them, we often turn to worry, feelings of lack, hard work and not good enough!

Think about it, if you’d like to own your own home- do you spend more time feeling excited, looking up brochures of what you really want, getting that clear in your mind and working towards it OR do you spend most of your time focusing on your lack of savings, on the difficulty of getting a mortgage, and on the fear of taking a big step? Whatever you focus on will determine your outcome, it will determine the results that you get!

Your perfect life isn’t going to fall into your lap, you need to go out and make it happen! I’m a big fan of personal power, I honestly believe that most of us haven’t even tapped into the vast resources that we have within ourselves to do, be and have whatever it is we want.

I know you might be thinking, ‘well yeah that sounds great but surely just wanting something  doesn’t just make it all happen?‘ I couldn’t agree with you more. If there’s something that you want in your life, you need to get excited about it! Turn it into a goal and immediately follow that with developing a plan and action steps towards its achievement. You already have the power to do this, you have the power to take action. If you haven’t been able to summon it up until this point, it’s simply because you’re focusing on the fear and difficulty rather than the crazy excitement and good feelings you will have as a result of achieving it!

 Often the things that we want seem so unattainable, they just seem to be too far away from where we are right now and we can’t see how we could possibly get there. That is what stops most people from even trying BUT that’s how it is for everyone.

99% of people don’t know how they’ll achieve what they want to achieve but they go after it anyway, trusting that the path will become clearer as they go.

 Jack Canfield Author of ‘Chicken Soup for The Soul’ described his understanding of this principle…….

“A car driving through the night, the headlights only reach 100 – 200 feet in front of the car. But you could make it all the way from California to New York whilst driving in the dark, because all you have to see is the next 200 feet. And that’s how life tends to unfold before us. If we just trust, the next 200 feet will unfold, and the next 200 feet after that and so on. Your life will keep unfolding and it will eventually get you to the destination of whatever it is that you truly want”.

The important thing is not necessarily that you know how you will achieve what you want, but more so the definite decision that you will go after your dreams and get excited about it! Trust me, just take the first step, and then the next step will come into your view.

Focus and Clarity = Success and Momentum

If you’d like get crazy excited about your life in 2018 and ACTUALLY make the changes you want to make and ACHIEVE the things you want to achieve, then check out a VIP Day with me! This is the ultimate in 1-1 coaching where we get to spend a whole day together to map out your desires, create a plan and MAKE DECISIONS on what you will do to get there! I only have 4 spaces left for these intensive sessions in February so book in with me for a free 30 minute call and let’s explore if it’s for you! Click here to book in for your free chat!

Until next time, get excited!

P x

Do you have any goals?

I often hear people say ‘I don’t really have any goals’. This statement simply demonstrates their lack of understanding of how goals actually work. You see, the human mind is always pursuing something, even if its nothing more than avoiding trouble and pain!

We all have goals. The problem is, for many people, they’re not aware of them! Most people’s goals are to ‘pay the bills’, ‘get by’, or to ‘make it to the end of the month and still have some cash left’- basically, they’re caught up in the trap of making a living rather than designing a life! None of those goals would give you the motivation you need to tap into the vast reserve of personal power within you!

We have to remember that our goals affect us, whatever they are. The best way I can describe this is using the metaphor of a garden. If we don’t consciously plant the seeds of what we want in the garden, it becomes overrun with weeds. Weeds are just automatic, unfortunately we don’t have to put any effort in to get them!

If we really want to see what we’re capable of and I know you do; we need to find a goal that is going to challenge us. Something that will push us beyond our limits and outside of our comfort zones- that’s the only way that you really see what you’re capable of.

The most important key in goal setting is to find a goal big enough to inspire you, something that will force you out of your comfort zone, something that will show you what you’re made of! The way I know I’ve set the right level goal for me is when it seems far-fetched, it seems impossible but at the same time, the idea of actually achieving it makes me crazy excited. What would that be for you? Something that seems far-fetched but at the same time, the idea of it makes you crazy excited. Would it be to travel the world? Would it be to be a black belt in karate? Would it be to have your own business? Would it be to have your own home? In order to truly find that inspiration and achieve those impossible goals, we have to suspend our negative beliefs about what we’re capable of achieving.

So, what’s stopping you? What’s holding you back? What’s getting in your way? I know that you’ve heard of goal setting before, I know that this isn’t new stuff to you. But even though we both know that you know this, do you actually have a list of clearly defined goals for the results that you absolutely will produce in your life? Mentally, physically, emotionally, financially, spiritually? What’s stopped you?

For many people, it’s the unconscious fear of disappointment. Most of the time, we say fear but we’re not afraid of fear, we’re afraid of something and for most of us, it is disappointment and failure. Most of us have set goals in the past and failed to achieve them and as a result of the pain of that experience and the desire to avoid that feeling in the future, we stop setting goals. We don’t want to have expectations that are going to get dashed! If we don’t expect to see the world and travel, then we won’t be disappointed if we don’t. Does that sound familiar?

So, how do some people tap into that that inner strength and reserve which allows them to dig deep and keep going despite their fear? Research has shown that they have the ability to screen what their mind pays attention to. Our minds can only focus on a certain number of things at any one time, so our brain spends a lot effort deciding what not to pay attention to. There are countless stimuli bombarding you at every moment of the day but your brain deletes most of it and focuses on what you believe is important.

Once you actually make the decision that something is a priority, you give it tremendous emotional intensity and by continuing to focus on it, by keeping your eye on the ball- any resource that will support you in achieving your goal will become clear. This is why it’s not important to understand exactly how you will achieve your goals when you first set them. Remember, often they seem impossible. Trust that by making the decision and continually focusing on it, you will find everything that you need along the way.

I hope you enjoyed this issue of Progress! If you need some support in your Career then check out my brilliant programme ’30 Days to Conquer Your Career’ starting on Monday 20th January! Over the course of 30 days, we’ll explore your career timeline, you will uncover your purpose and passion, you will get a gale force wind in your sails by acknowledging your strengths, skills and core values and you will walk away from the programme with a clear vision for your future career including a action plan to get you there! To find out more and secure your place, click here!

Until next time, start thinking about what you really want!

P x