So this is a really juicy topic and something that comes up regularly with my private coaching clients. It is the experience or the fear of losing yourself.
What do I mean by that? Let me explain..
I’m talking about the woman who suffers burnout, is off work for a month and has no idea what to do with herself, has only suits in her wardrobe and whose personal relationships with friends has disintegrated. She has lost herself to her job.
I’m talking about the woman who enters a relationship with a new partner and changes her behaviours, interests, time with friends and wardrobe! She has lost herself to her relationship.
I’m talking about woman who has had a child and now doesn’t pursue her passions, who is agitated and cranky with the world, who takes on so much responsibility and puts her needs second. She has lost herself to motherhood.
I’m talking about the woman who knows she has potential, who knows that deep down she was meant to do something incredible and make a difference in this world but instead, she is hiding, staying small, not going after her dreams and compromising. She has lost herself to her fears.
I’ve been thinking about this lately because I’ve been behaving in ways that have been very uncomfortable for me. I’ve been bitching at my husband, rolling my eyes when someone says something irritating (and finding the tiniest things irritating), shouting at our dog, shouting and cursing at drivers or at traffic lights; basically not being a very nice person! And when I have those moments of being a cranky ass or being short or dismissive with the people I care about, I always feel bad afterwards and it just causes me to spiral downwards.
But what really got my attention was what I would say, it was
‘I’m sorry, this isn’t me’.
Then it clicked, I’d lost myself. I was behaving and reacting in ways that simply weren’t typical of my normal behaviour. I don’t normally go around shouting at the dog, cursing at the hoover and wanting to punch anyone who rings my doorbell once Sarah is asleep!
I had definitely lost myself!
But lost myself to what?? Maybe life? Maybe new mamahood? Maybe Poor Self Care?
The lack of Self-Care really resonated with me and it was intriguing as I had never thought that thought before!
But it made so much sense! Just think about it- if you’re hungry- are you being your optimal self? (Snickers/gremlin ad anyone?) If you haven’t slept properly- are you operating at your optimal level? If you have been putting all of your energy/time and focus onto other people and other projects- are you going to feel taken care of within yourself? If you’re not setting boundaries with people and saying yes when you want to say no- are you going to feel respected and strong? And if you put all that together, really, are you going to be yourself?
The answer is no.
You may be a version of yourself or a shell of yourself but you definitely won’t be yourself as best you can be!
We all need Self Care, Self Love, Self Respect and Self Compassion in place as the foundation upon which to securely build everything else in our lives.
If we don’t have that as our solid foundation, then everything else is incredibly rocky- our relationships, our health, our career, our finances etc!
I’d never thought of losing myself to lack of self care before but it made perfect sense and know I know what I need to do to find myself again- early nights, turn off the tv, drink more water, book in for a massage and implement small habits that will have a big positive impact!
So, how bout you? Have you ever lost yourself to your career, relationship, lack of self care before? Or is that something that scares you? If you feel like you could do with putting that solid foundation in place then check out my ‘All You Need is Love’ programme starting 22nd February. It’s what I’ve been using to bring myself back to me and I’d love to support you to do the same!
Until next time, take care of you!