Who am I? I’m a walking contradiction!

I’ve been pondering this topic for ages and I knew I had to write about it. It is a bit of an odd one but if you’ve been following me for a while, I’d say by now you know to expect a bit of oddness every now and then!

One of the biggest questions that people struggle to answer is ‘Who Am I?‘. I mean the first time I asked that of myself about 10 years ago at the beginning of my quarter-life crisis, I couldn’t answer it. All I could come up with is I’m a Virgo (Seriously right?) Full disclosure, back then, I really leaned into star signs, tarot card readings, oracle cards, magic 8 balls to make decisions and to try and give me a sense of me and what I should do with my life!

Anyways, I couldn’t answer that question because I didn’t know.

Over the years, through coaching training and bucket loads of personal work, I got more and more clarity around who I was and what I was about. I got firmer foundations in place and as I got clearer on me, I got clearer on what would be a good life for me, on the work I wanted to do and the relationship I wanted. My true desires were uncovered and so was I.

Fast forward to 2018 and I’ve been struggling with the same question again ‘Who am I?’ and the answers I’ve been coming up with have been really confusing.

I realised that I am a walking, talking contradiction.  

I am ambitious but I’m also incredibly lazy, I will always seek out the easiest route possible. I can be quite selfish at times, but I’m also selfless and give my resources of time, energy and attention to others when they need it. I am such a scaredy cat, I mean I’m always scared- of what people will think of me, of making an absolute balls of something but at the same time, I’ve got bucket loads of brave and I still step forward even if I’m scared. I love parties but I’m shy and quiet. I’m shy and quiet but I put myself out there and show myself to the world though my work. I feel lovable and loving but at times I don’t. I can be passionate and another day be apathetic. I love flexibility and spontaneity but I’d be lost without a plan for the day and my to do list! I value security and safety yet I’m a risk-taker. I am extremely patient but not when sitting in traffic (unless there’s great music on and I have a coffee). I’m an introvert but I’m also a leader.

This for me, feels like the next level of knowing who I am and yeah, she’s sounds confusing but she’s much more real! But what I’ve realised is I don’t have to choose between ambition and ease, between being selfish and caring for others, between being brave and being scared, between being with people and being by myself, between being passionate and not giving a shit. I can be all of those things because I am, I can’t deny it and I’m guessing you’re the same – a walking talking contradiction.  Being real, being truly yourself will mean that you are both. Sweetie, you are allowed to be both.

Years ago, this realisation would have left me feeling very unhinged but now, as I honour myself more, I can tap into how I’m feeling and understand what I need in this moment. Then I can respectfully give myself what I need and know the reason why- because I’ve given myself permission  to be both.

I’m so curious to hear your thoughts on this? Can you relate? Are you really a walking talking contradiction trying deny parts of yourself? Let me know and share your examples over in my private ‘I am more than Enough‘ facebook community.

Also, don’t forget that the next round of my FREE ‘7 Days to Boost Your Confidence’ course starts on the 19th February. You’ll get access to the private group, your own printable workbook walking you through each day as well as 7 training videos walking you through topics such as ‘letting go of what other people think’ ‘Being Really You, ‘Claiming your own Worth’, ‘Dealing with your inner critic’ and much more! Sign up here!