Today, I’m talking about your relationship with money because the topic keeps coming up again and again with my clients and for myself personally!
We all have a relationship with money and having a healthy relationship with money is just like any other relationship. You can break up, kiss and make up, get so mad and frustrated, fall head over heels, you can be wooed and become smitten, be impulsive, be cautious, you can feel unworthy, undeserving and push it away, you can get blinded and have ups and downs!
But ultimately we want to live happily ever after with our money and like all relationships- it takes love and attention to do that!
Money is an emotive topic so if this triggers you, get curious about it!
Your relationship with money really is an intimate relationship and one that perhaps you’ve been neglecting. Or perhaps you feel it’s the other way around, that money has been neglecting you or even abusive and causing you to play small in life. Perhaps you feel that money doesn’t care about you at all and forgets you even exist!
Trust me though, regardless of where you are; this particular relationship can be salvaged and you can turn this around into a caring and loving partnership.
I had a major realisation this morning, what we coaches call an ‘aha’ moment. The relationship I used to have with money reminded me of relationships I had with exes. It was neglectful, undervalued, dramatic and dysfunctional. Now, I have been working on my money relationship for a few years and it’s improving, but if I’m honest I still have a lot of work to do! How about you? Does your relationship with money mirror other relationship history? Something for you to ponder…..
Let’s look at what money is; basically money is an exchange of value.
In life, there are transactions in which we exchange money in return for value. That value may be clothes, holidays, a home, a pair of boots, a smoothie, bin collection etc. We earn money in return for value. We provide a service or our time, a particular value is placed on that service/time and money is exchanged for it.
So, if we don’t value ourselves, if we tell ourselves we’re not good enough, not worthy enough then we undervalue ourselves and the exchange of money is reduced. Think about it; performance appraisals, interviews, negotiations.. any time that you had to talk about the value you add- did you own it? Did you claim your own value or did you play it down?
In personal relationships, it took me a long time for me to realise that it was ok and safe for me to have a healthy, nurturing, respectful relationship. It wasn’t what I was used to. When Colm opened the car door open for me when we were dating, I thought he was a weirdo! Every single time, he would hold it open, wait for me to get in and then walk around to his side. Then I would lean over and open the door for him. We still do this 7 years later and my friends laugh about it but really it was a baby step for me in learning how to have more respectful relationship and it stuck with me.
Anyways, back to money! It is possible and more than ok for you to learn how to fall in love with money! Imagine that, a relationship with money that is full of love, respect and caring.
Here’s what to do:
Identify the characteristics of your current relationship with money:
Is the relationship neglected, respectful, dangerous, loving, thrilling, fun, abusive, nurturing…?
Who are you in the relationship you have with money?
Are you dismissive, are careless, are you nurturing, are you disrespectful, are you jealous, are you obsessive, are you caring, are you clingy? Don’t worry about what your current reality is because once we’re aware, we can start to make changes.
What is your all time favourite love story?
If you had to pick the most romantic or the best movie relationship, something that inspires you, what would it be?
Perhaps you’d choose The Notebook, perhaps any of the Love Actually couples, maybe Notting Hill, maybe Pretty Woman, maybe Mamma Mia! Have a good think about it? Look through your favourite movies! I would choose a movie called ‘Ever After’ with Drew Barrymore- it’s a Cinderella story but basically she does end up with her happily ever after and her prince but she rescues herself!
How would you describe the relationship the characters have?
So for example, is it exciting & sexy, is it romantic and respectful, is it empowered and enduring, is it loyal and stable, is it romantic and loving?
If you were to merge your love story and your money; describe what your relationship with money would be like?
- How would you know you were valued?
- How would you feel spending money on you?
- Who would you be in this new relationship?
- How would you show up and let money know you cared?
- How would you expect it to treat you?
- What would you be doing regularly to nurture the relationship?
This is all for you to ponder! Answer the questions, give it some thought because sometimes looking at something from a new perspective can lead to massive change. So, for now please remember that it’s more than ok for you to have an amazing money relationship, it’s ok for you to feel supported!
But remember that you are responsible for what you bring to the relationship; you can’t be neglectful and then resent it because it’s never there when you need it!
I would LOVE to hear your thoughts on this topic so please feel free to shoot me an email or pop over to my facebook page!
Until next week,