We all know the feeling, those times when we just don’t feel quite ourselves. We’re never too sure what’s wrong….In fact, often there’s nothing really wrong but at the same time, nothing really feels right either. But we’re in a strange humour, feeling like there’s something missing, feeling indecisive, a bit down and lost in our own little worlds.
So, what’s going on here and what can we do?
I’ve learnt through my own experience and from working with private clients that whenever someone says that they feel disconnected and describe feeling lost, it’s because they are. They are disconnected from their authentic self.
I’ve written before about the social self and the authentic self but a quick recap!
The authentic self is the part of you that knows your preferences for everything; it knows what you enjoy, what you’re passionate about, what brings you joy and what you love to do. The authentic self knows that you want to order dessert in the restaurant whereas the social self will tell you not to be a piggy as no one else is having anything! The authentic self is that part of you that is spontaneous, curious, fascinated with the world and playful.
The social self is that part of you that has been influenced by your culture, your environment, your peers, your family and society as you have grown up and throughout your life. It has taught you to value the same or similar things to most other people in your circle such as stable job, being financially secure, owning your own home, meeting a partner, having a family, having a pension, looking after your parents – being a ‘good girl’ shall we say!
Bottom line, the authentic self knows what you truly want and the social self helps you make it happen. The feeling of disconnect occurs because over the years, your social self has gagged your authentic self in order to make sure you fit in and behave in a socially accepted manner!
This is where the disconnect feelings come from! Your social self and your authentic self are disconnected, leaving you uncertain and lost. For many people, this has been going on for so many years that you’re not even sure what you’re authentic self even wants!
This is what I want to talk to you about today, how to listen to and notice when your heart is saying YES!!!!
Here are some of the most common ways that the authentic self says ‘Hell yes, I want more of that!
1. Good Mood aka Warm and Cuddly feelings
The key is to notice the good mood from wherever it comes from! It could be from flirting with the waiter on your lunch break, sorting out your wardrobe and getting rid of all the crap you have, it could be from getting a seat on the bus when you’re wearing heels, having a good boogie around the kitchen, spending hours creating and building something special or singing your heart out in the car! Whatever it is that makes you feel good, pay attention! By noticing these good moods and the activities that produce them, you’re connecting with your authentic self and learning what makes it happy.
2. Super Turbo Interest
Each of us has our own interests, passions and path. The information that I’m passionate about and that interests me could bore you to tears and vice versa. I have no interest in designing jewellery and the detailed processes involved with that and to be honest, within a 5 mile radius, probably no one else is interested either. But that is exactly my point!! That is what makes you special- that is what makes your particular super memory in this area special. So often, we think that because we’re good at something and because it comes easily to us, that it’s not anything spectacular and everyone else probably finds it easy too. That is not true! By paying attention to your particular interests and the types of information that you recall easily, you will really get to know what your authentic self is drawn to and fascinated by!
3. Abundant Energy
When you’re engaged in an activity that your authentic self is saying yes to- you feel vibrant and alive. We all know how quickly the shift to abundant energy can happen-(think about a time when you were in work, sitting at your desk like a zombie and then you were asked to nip out to the shop or post office. You would go from zero energy to skipping out the door in a matter of seconds! Or you’ve been making small talk politely with your house-mate and feeling your energy draining but then you’re awake half the night totally engrossed in a book!) There are certain activities that will boost your energy levels- what are they? Does spending time with certain people boost your energy? How about places? Do certain places make you come alive- being at the sea, boarding a plane for an adventure??
4. Getting lost in Good Times
When you’re following the desires of your authentic self and engaged in activities that are more aligned with your purpose and values, you enter what is commonly called ‘flow time’. Malcolm Gladwell in his book Outliers, claims that mastery comes with a 10,000 hour rule attached and the people we refer to as lucky and successful are not exempt from this -if you look at everything from the (not-yet –famous) Beatles playing inhumanly long hours in Hamburg to Bill Gates putting in excessive hours of unpaid computer time as a teenager in the University of Washington. What ultimately drove them was the love of the craft– they were ambitious yes but they had no guarantee that they would have any success at all. But they completely immersed themselves in their work and they entered ‘flow time’- that state in which you become completely lost in the activity. What activities do you get lost in? What does your authentic self love to do?
5. Being comfy in your own skin
There are certain people or groups of people that we simply feel ‘at home’ with. We feel like we can be ourselves and are completely relaxed. With people like this, we feel like we have known them for years even though it could only just be a few minutes. website traffic It’s natural and they just understand us. This is our authentic self saying ‘yes’, I like this person or these people- hang out with more of them!!
Have a ponder of these points the next time you feel yourself feeling a bit disconnected! Listen to your heart, pay attention to your authentic self and it will show you what you need to do to reconnect!
I hope you enjoyed this issue of Progress! Drop me a line or share on the facebook page how your authentic self says yes!
Until next time,
Look after you,