I’m a complete scaredy cat. When the going gets tough, my default state of being is hiding and sleeping myself into a safe cocoon of darkness. That’s what I want to be doing right now instead of writing this. I’m feeling anxious, scared, unworthy. This is my first blog post of 2015, and I’m telling myself I am an imposter because I’m a scaredy cat.
But you know what, this is the real me.
I am a total chicken! I get so scared that I get stuck in limbo not knowing what way to go. The future scares me, asking for what I want scares me, doing things I know I want to do deep down scares me, telling people the truth scares me, looking at my finances after christmas scares me, every time I write a blog post or tell you a bit of my story scares me, relationships scare me, making decisions scare me, running my own business terrifies me. Sometimes the thought of facing a difficult day scares me and I wake up with crippling anxiety in my chest, my jaw and throat tighten and I have such a strong desire to hide from the world. Life can be really scary but guess what? That’s ok. Also, I know I get scared and want to hide and that’s ok too. I’ve accepted this.
You might think that this is a strange blog post for a life coach to write- it’s a bit blunt, not exactly motivational and so far isn’t offering much hope or inspiration!! And you’re right! It is an odd post for a coach to write but it’s also me being honest with you.
I’m always afraid and fear is always present in my life but it’s not a problem for me. It doesn’t get in my way or hold me back. Anymore… (well, maybe the odd time!!)
But my default state of hiding used to win all the time, I hid for most of my late teens and early 20s. I never really stretched myself and I stayed within my comfort zone. It was boring and frustrating as hell!! I didn’t really do anything fun and exciting either!
So I started to study fear- probably to try and figure out what was wrong with me so you can imagine my surprise when all of the books I read and seminars I attended were actually telling me that fear was normal, what I was feeling was normal, my desire to hide was normal.
One particular book I read was Susan Jeffers ‘Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway’- it took me years to get through this book because it made far too much sense and I just didn’t want to hear it. The main message in the book is that fear comes from an uncertainty within ourselves of our ability to handle the situation should something bad happen. Susan Jeffers says, “All you have to do to weaken your fear is to develop more trust in your ability to handle whatever comes your way.” So basically, cultivate self trust, self love and self compassion.
She talks about the 5 truths about fear, my favourite being ‘The fear will never go away as long as I continue to grow’. Everybody fears doing, or being, something new because of the uncertainty within unfamiliar situations. If you do not fear, you do not grow.
This is why fear is no longer a problem for me.
I accept it and love that I continue to grow and push myself in spite of it. I said at the beginning that I would rather be hiding in my bed than writing this but I’m still typing so it’s more evidence for me that I’m progressing in spite of my fear and that I can handle whatever will come my way.
The reason I chose to write about this topic now is because life has been kicking my ass for the past few weeks! Christmas was really tough without my nan and New Years wasn’t a whole heap better. My mind, body and spirit have been taking their sweet time to come together and get on board with my plans and goals for 2015. Getting back into my work groove has kicked my ass. Getting back into any sort of self care routine and rituals such as exercise, proper food and sleep has kicked my ass as well! In short, fear has crept in and self care, love and compassion has taken a nose dive! But what I’m so grateful for, is my work and being able to connect with so many other women like me all around the world and the message I’m hearing back is that …………...it’s not just me. Seems like the last week of 2014 and first week of 2015 have been kicking lots of asses! But hey, if you do not fear, you do not grow! Let’s all be scaredy cats in 2015 but push ourselves in spite of it!
Fear is my constant companion- how bout you?
I hope you enjoyed this issue of Progress! I’d love to hear your thoughts so pop over to the facebook page and say hi!!!
Until next week, Be afraid!!